Obituary of Mike Darrell Gay

Mike Darrell Gay, 59, who specialized in hugging everyone, died Jan. 14 at Capital Caring Hospice in Arlington after a long decline with dementia. Not long after he moved to Arlington, Virginia, Mike Darrell Gay showed up at his brother’s door entirely alone. How did you get here?,” his sister-in-law asked. “I walked,” he replied. “How did you know the way?” “Map in my head.” Not a remarkable story until you learn that the 39 year old Mike had Down syndrome. Mike Gay was born in Modesto, California on January 17, 1952, to E. Elizabeth Stubblefield Gay and Clifford Wayne Gay, Sr. He grew up in Fresno with his mother until her passing in 1988. Within two years after living with and near his sister, he moved to Arlington, Virginia, to be closer to his brother. While in Virginia, Mike lived in a number of group homes, all run by Community Residences Inc. and all near his brother’s home. Of special note were his South Irving Street home where he lived from 1998 until 2011 and the 16th St. North home where he lived his final year. Staffed by highly trained and very caring individuals, these homes provided an exceptional quality of life for Mike and his housemates. Despite his Down syndrome Mike was a life long (almost) learner and an affectionate guy. He was interested in studying the encyclopedia, the dictionary, and the world atlas. He could read road maps better than most. Starting school at four in California allowed him to gain some skills that many of his peers never mastered. Although Mike worked in sheltered workshops most of his life, he explored for a while some more advanced career options. After coming to Virginia, he worked first with a janitorial crew cleaning several Arlington County facilities. He worked for a while washing police cars. Later he was trained to work in a mail room sorting, routing mail without full addresses, and delivering mail at the FDA headquarters in southwest Washington. He commuted to that job on the Metro. When he went back to the sheltered workshop, he was happy weighing mail, attaching labels, and collating conference packets. Mike especially enjoyed break time with friends. Active with Special Olympics in California and Virginia, Mike participated in track, swimming, and basketball. Always liking to walk, he would walk to 7-11, the library, and his brother’s house. Sometimes he would walk about three miles from his group home to work instead of riding the bus. One day in 1998, however, his days exploring came to an end. On his way home, just a few blocks from work, he was struck by a phone company van as it turned a corner. It dragged him 50 feet up the street before a passing motorist flagged down the van’s driver. Medevaced to the local trauma center he had broken ribs and pelvis, collapsed lung, a bruised heart and road burns on his chest and both arms. Strong of heart he survived the initial trauma. After skin graft surgery complicated by a blood clot and a total of seven weeks in the hospital, Mike was no longer interested in going out into the community on his own. Starting about four years ago, Mike showed less interest in books and did not remember everybody’s birth date as he once did. 50% of people with Down syndrome who reach age 50 will eventually develop Alzheimer’s type dementia. Mike was in the unlucky half. Mike showed his friends, family, and strangers how to love, to learn, and to forgive. Survivors include his sister, Lynn Buchholz of Modesto, California, his brother, Clifford Gay, two nephews, and three great nieces. Memorial contributions may be made to Community Residences, Inc. (http://www.communityresidences.org ) or the Down Syndrome Association of Northern Virginia (http://dsanv.org/). On February 23, 2012, a celebration of Mike’s life will take place at Linden Resources, 750 S. 23rd Street, Arlington, VA 22202, at 1:00 PM.